Ineffective Parenting Techniques:
Contrary to popular opinion, many of the worst kids – the most disrespectful and rebellious – often come from homes where they are shown love, but it’s just the wrong kind of love.
Some parents are under the impression, that love means revolving their lives around their kids. These parents are referred to helicopter parents.
Whenever trouble emerges, these parents are on call to save their kids from any harm or failure happening to them and will not let them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the child’s wishes. They are forever running errands for them – delivering to school - lunches, sporting equipment, excursion permission slips. These caring parents are always pulling their kids out of situations. Not a day goes by when they’re not protecting little junior from something – usually a significant learning experience – they need or deserve.
As soon as the child sends up a SOS flare, mom or dad, who are ready and waiting, swoop down to protect their children from friends, teachers, and any other elements that appear hostile, including anyone who sets high standards for behavior, morality and achievement.
They are obsessed with the desire to create a perfect world for their kids, one in which their kids never have to struggle, be inconvenienced, face discomfort or disappointment. These kids lead a life where every mistake is swept under the carpet. Such aggressive protection of their children will accomplish the exact opposite of what these parents are trying to achieve.
While these “loving” parents may feel that they are making their child’s path into adulthood easy, tomorrow these same children will be leaving home and wasting the first eighteen months of their adult life dropping out of college or wandering about “getting their heads together.”
Such children are unequipped for the challenges of life. Their meaningful learning opportunities were stolen from them in the name of love. These parents feel extremely uncomfortable imposing consequences. When they see their children hurting, they hurt too, so they bail them out. The irony is that others often view them as ideal parents.
But the real world does not operate on a bailout system. Over - protective parents fail to prepare their kids for the real world.
It is disappointing to watch kids learn to blame others for their lack of success instead of becoming people who reach their goals through effort and determination.
Whilst we may not always approve of our children’s disobedience, we need to love them enough to let them make a decision and live with the results.
Allowing our kids to make mistakes and live with the consequences, teaches them that achievement comes through struggle and perseverance.
Rose De Freitas
Feel free to e-mail Rose with your questions or to find out more about her courses and workshops.
While parenting books and articles can be extremely resourceful, it is highly recommended that parents attend an effective parenting program with an experienced facilitator.
Too much information can be extremely overwhelming for parents, and it is very difficult to gauge the success of the new techniques being implemented. By attending workshops, the facilitator is able to monitor any misunderstanding or misuse of the concepts, tools and techniques provided in the parenting program.